According to Biological Anthropologist, Helen Fisher, relationships can be hard work and it is both people’s responsibility to make the effort.
After all, we can’t maintain a beautiful and thriving garden if we don’t take out the weeds and keep managing the bugs and pests.
Ms Fisher’s research has found that “the three most important traits that were found to be present in happy, long-lasting marriages were:
1) The couple’s ability to feel empathy for one another.
2) Each person’s ability to control their own emotions and feelings during times of great stress.
3) And the introduction of positive illusions.” That means developing the ability to overlook what you don’t like about someone and remember the good things about them: focus on them instead.
And our experience, both personal and professional, tells us that keeping the lines of communication open is vital to the ongoing health of any relationship. Honesty is the best policy, but that begins with honesty with ourselves and
taking responsibility for what we are or are not doing first.
Then, when we do have a quiet chat (not an angry outburst after we’ve been sitting on an issue for some time) then it can be more easily heard by the other person if we begin with positives: one positive, one negative (with an “I”
statement:”I feel…”first) then one positive. It’s called “a feedback sandwich”.
Try it, it’s much more easily digested than a straight out complaint.
Remember, too, to catch people doing something right: for example, “darling, I really like it when you hang up the towel, it makes the bathroom feel more relaxed.”
A good relationship is well worth looking after.
When I'm going through the city I often pick up a Big Issue from one of the vendors. Not only does that help them, but there are often very interesting articles within.
This is an extract from one of them - written by Lorin Clarke (@lorinimus)
"BIG DAY? BIG week? Big year? Big life?
Is life so big with all of the things you haven't done and the thoughts you haven't finished, and the friends you feel bad about not having seen, and the secret hopes, and the still-forming ideas, and the errands and the bills and the mundanities and the unanswered questions and the loose ends and the climate and the state of the world?....
Take a seat. Let's have ourselves some small.
ENJOY THE SMALL things.
Enjoy cool evenings. Enjoy other people's laughter. Think of your favourite laugh. Try not to smile.
Enjoy the small moments in people's lives. Like when strangers interact and find themselves helping each other do things. How to use a parking meter, for instance, or one of those parking apps on the phone....
Think of the voice of someone you love. Think of the thing they are most likely to say that makes you smile. Feel a bit happy that you're the person they'd say that to. Maybe, if you can, tell them you're happy to be that person.
Enjoy hot drinks.
Find a nice leaf.
Hold someone's hand....
Try a new thing on a menu.
Be kind to someone you have no reason to be kind to.
Listen to a piece of music that makes your heart swell like the surf and then remember that humans made that happen....
Enjoy the small. The tiny looks, the stillness, the thoughts that go nowhere, and the cups of tea while staring into the middle distance.
Life is big but it's made up of small...."
Have a wonderful day and enjoy the small.
Every now and then we come across some very good information and we'd like to share it with you.
This is rather good: It's adapted from an article by psychotherapist and executive coach, Jonathan Alpert and originally published at www.inc.com on June 22, 2015
A few simple steps to building your confidence.
1. Watch your self-talk.
How do you speak to yourself: is it positive or negative?
Posititive self-talk encourages us to move forward while negative self-talk will keep you stuck.
Imagine if every time Pat Cash went onto the court he thought, “I’m off my game, I’ll never win this game.” Would he have played a good game?
Sometimes our fears tip us into negative thinking. It is how we protect ourselves from what we fear might be a difficult or dangerous situation.
The problem is we don't consider whether our thoughts are real or imagined.
Taking your career to the next level, asking someone out on a date, or saying how you really feel, is not life threatening.
2. Cut out the social comparison.
Comparing ourselves with others does not help you. I wonder how many times a day that little voice inside says I'm not as good as ..............; or ..........is better (smarter,
stronger, etc.) than I am.
It has been said that "comparisons are odious" - literally meaning they stink. Comparisons with others not only do not serve us, but can keep us stuck.
If your mind starts to compare, ask yourself, “How will this help me?
3. Know what you want.
Knowing where you want to go and when you want to get there is very useful when you set out on a journey.
It's the same in life: getting your goals clear will help you move forward with confidence.
Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
said: “If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.”
4. Know your strengths.
Know what you're good at, what are your strengths? What are you good at? Then focus on what you are good at, not on your weaknesses.
5. Eliminate the “what-ifs.”
Imagining the worst can shake your beliefs and cause you to doubt yourself. If you slip and start to think “what-if,” change your thinking to “I will.”
6. Forget about being perfect.
So often people don’t pursue things because they feel it has to be just right. They spend so long thinking about getting something perfect that they end up being paralysed by anxiety and self-doubt or do a half-good job. Either way can erode your confidence even more.
Simply put, open your mouth and say something. Sure, think before you speak, but speak up: dare to speak your truth - you might be pleasantly surprised by who listens to you and connects with you.
8. Be resilient.
There will always be those who doubt you, but don’t let that stop you from speaking up. It's worth taking a chance, and doing what you believe in. Criticism just means you got people thinking. It might also mean that others don't share your point of view, and that's ok. Speaking your truth makes you feel more confident, and more honest.
Listen to feedback, assess it, make a decision, then focused on what you believe in and be your authentic self.
Anyway, it's much easier being yourself, and everyone else is taken.
Best wishes to you as you learn to become more confident every day.
It has been said that it’s better to give than to receive. But if you think about it, if everyone just gives, who is there to receive? Ask yourself: “why would you steal the blessing of giving from someone else by refusing to receive?”
So, perhaps it will become a little easier to receive gifts or help from others now.
But what about actually asking for help? That’s a different matter. For many people having to ask for help is seen as shameful; a sign of weakness or failure.
In fact, there are times when asking for help is actually the smartest thing you can do. If your car breaks down wouldn’t you ask for help? At the very least you’d phone a family member or friend to give you a lift. Then what? Unless you are a mechanic, you’d need to find one to help sort out the problem. If you’re ill, you consult a doctor (although the majority of men often leave that later than is wise).
The fact is, none of us are beyond needing help sometime.
What about help with emotional issues? In the normal world people lose jobs, marriages break down, or family members pass away, so it’s very normal to experience a range of very powerful feelings that can be almost overpowering at times. Everyone experiences any or all of those events at some time in life.
If we’re feeling alone, lost, sad or depressed, it might help to phone a friend or trusted family member and just talk things out - a burden shared is a burden halved isn’t it?
However, there may be times we really need to get professional help if whatever is troubling us is bigger than just talking about it with a friend.
In fact, it’s a sign of wisdom and strength for us to be able to say “I need some help”.
Research, the Medical Community and Alternate Health Professionals all support that stress plays a major role in incidence of disease.
Libby Stone during a radio interview asked a Doctor “to what extent did he think that stress is involved in the manifestation of disease “ and the answer was a staggering –“Maybe up to about 99.5%!”
There is lots of research correlating types of stress and the likely incidence of various types of diseases.
In the initial stages unresolved stress” firstly manifests in many behaviours. We complain of being unable to cope, of just being stressed out.
Stefan Galamaga Your Life Clinic founder, comments “and how do we try to cope? “
“Usually with habits – with the ones we don’t want such as smoking, alcohol abuse, comfort eating; drugs and substance abuse.”
None of these work, they all make the situation worse. And we haven’t even got to living our lives with anxiety and suppressing emotions such as Anger, Sadness, Fear, Hurt, and Guilt, Depression Phobias and often ultimately diseases and, even death.”
Neuro Linguistic Programming and Hypnotherapy have a number of proven, powerful tools designed to release stress. The techniques help change unwanted thinking, behaviours, emotions and habits quickly. For those consciously wishing to change their thinking and behaviour can be helped quickly. Hypnosis is very relaxing and effective in helping change lives; add NLP, learn and use some self-healing techniques and you have a powerful and unique set of tools to embark on the life you want.
Your Life Clinic offers help with issues like stress release, weight control, phobias, management of emotions as well as counselling and our quit smoking session that offers a life-time guarantee”.
Would you swap holidays for smoking?
You know many smokers do just that.
Imagine you going on fantastic holidays every year plus with
spending money and feeling happier, healthier and in control all whilst regaining years of your life.
Well smokers can by becoming non-smokers easily, safely and permanently, without craving themselves crazy using will power or nicotine replacement therapies.
With an average 95.6% success in just one session would you be prepared to show some commitment, follow instructions, relax and invest just one months worth of smokes?
Contact Your Life Clinic Today
The serious adverse effects of smoking and alcohol during pregnancy are well known. The effects of smoking psychologically and physically to children born to smoking parents or living with smokers are profound. They are at risk of serious health problems because their bodies, lungs and brains are still developing. Second-hand smoke means children are exposed to many more carcinogens than if they smoked themselves. This is a serious health hazard for children with greatly increased risk of asthma, respiratory illnesses, ear, nose and throat problems and SIDS. They are likely to suffer brain development damage and become smokers too.
More than 90% of smokers that come to the Clinic had one or more parents that smoked.
The average life expectancy of a smoker is 14 years less than a non-smoker. A one pack a day smoker lights up over a Lifetime about 500,000 cigarettes, this equates to about $300,000 – up in smoke!
That means, every smoke costs about 15 minutes of life and even worse is likely to condemn your children to a similar fate.
To quit smoking, there are many methods, few of which actually work! Sadly the most promoted; Nicotine replacement therapies are expensive and do not address the actual smoking habit, and long term are only 8-14% successful.
Hypnosis –is about 30% effective long term for a single session; success increases with good technique and multiple appointments. Often early good results fade and they resume smoking if the underlying cause is not addressed.
At Your Life Clinic; we combine integrated. Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Advanced Hypnosis.
This method is proven effective for over the past 11 years helping more than 40,000 across Australia to become non-smokers. Just one session has proven to be 95.6 % permanent. The few remaining requiring additional help are backed by our Guarantee.
Your session is tailored, to your needs, is enjoyable, with no pain, drugs, or needles.
Save thousands of your dollars every year .
Save your health and life.
Even better, save your child’s health and save 14 years of life.
Research says that babies in-utero absorb their environment, learning about the world around them and as newborns, they rapidly accumulate knowledge and begin developing their Model Of the World (MOW). The Model develops quickly; without questioning truth or validity. By the time we reach 6-7 years, essentially our character, and our Model is fundamentally in place.
From there on, our MOW can still develop and change but it is still essentially unquestioned. It’s only when our frontal lobes (the parts of the brain that assesses events and adjusts behaviours) develop that we now evaluate or filter information and decide whether to allow or disallow incorporation into our unique MOW. Simply put, we are no longer as impressionable. Logically the older, more experienced and wiser we get, the more our information filters grow stronger. But by then our MOW has, more than likely, grown stronger by filtering billions of bits of information and selecting those that support the MOW and we are reluctant to change it.
But what if the information stored in our MOW no longer serves us, or is faulty in some way? Similar to a computer; where there are programming errors there are problems. For us, this manifests as stress, self-defeating behaviors and ultimately disease.”
According to Your Life Clinic founder Stefan Galamaga, “unresolved emotional issues manifest in many behaviours, habits and often ultimately diseases and even death. Neuro Linguistic Programming and Hypnotherapy techniques are proven, powerful tools to help change unwanted behaviours emotions and habits – fast.”
Co – founder Libby Stone says “clients that consciously wish to change behavior can be helped very quickly with a variety of advanced NLP and Hypnotherapy techniques that enable us to by- pass our MOW filters and communicate directly with our sub-conscious mind. It’s a little bit like a software update, to clean up bugs and errors in our Model. Once the Conscious and Sub-conscious mind work together we can become focused and powerful in our lives; will power has a helper.
Hypnosis is very relaxing and effective in helping change lives; add NLP and you have a powerful and unique set of tools to embark on the life you want.
Your Life Clinic